an overdue graduation post: a daunting reflection

Granted, it's been about 2-3 weeks since my high school graduation at the now called Stubhub Center, but I think I'm finally ready to write about it.

Well, here we go. I can officially and literally say that I am done with high school, which is almost liberating, but for the sake of this post, I guess not really. I mean high school was a righteous combination of both miserable and glorious days, but it's about time to turn the page over--dare I continue this cliche--to a new chapter of my life. Before I delve into the "daunting" part of this post, let me disclaim to you that I am indeed excited for the life of me, but I mean, there is more to that, and you're about to read about it.

I want to numb my thoughts every time I think of high school being over. I'm not sad about it--not happy either--it's just that, what I have in front and ahead of me makes me feel like I am handling a glass plate full of diamonds and fine china across a tightrope in front of a tough crowd, and I'm no circus rockstar to make any of that happen.

I'm pretty terrified. On one hand, I've got Berkeley and my independence to look forward too. On the other, an entire set of family expectations to live up to...and can't possibly mess up. It seems that I've forged some poisonous thoughts in my head, built on nothing but self-doubt and frailty. Things are too easy to mess up. The future is too easy to mess up because it's the future, I don't know what is about to happen, therefore I get paranoid that if I do something wrong, everything else will go down with it. No, I am not ready for that much uncertainty, but here I am now, forced to deal with it every day. No, I am not ready for that much responsibility, but I guess if not now, then when?

*a big fat sigh goes here*

Life is too fragile.